Where would you go?

My married friends are jealous. So are those experiencing domestic bliss with the joy of little fockers running wild -- as are those of you that are tied to a mortgage, car payment, a great job with no vacation time or a lousy job with a ton of vacation time. Maybe you hate your job and your wife -- I mean wife. Shit, I meant LIFE.

Are your AmEx cards maxed? Discover? College loans not paid off? Have you ever wanted to make $500,000 a year from home? Follow these simple steps:

Find some bananas and vanilla ice-cream. Or yogurt if you are lactose intolerant. Get a blueberry or two and some RED Gatorade -- the flavor doesn't matter.

*Fruit Punch
*Fierce Berry
*Xtremo Tropical Intenso
*Berry Citrus
*ESPN The Flavor
*X-Factor Fruit Punch + Berry
*Super Bowl Berry
*Cherry Rain
*Cherry Rush
*All-Stars Strawberry
*Cran-Raspberry A.M.

Some fresh basil, mint, and a pinch of grape Big League Chew for good measure. A few Mike & Ike's - lime and strawberry only, unless you prefer Hot Tamales.

-PORK sausage
-Boxed Wine
-Quail Egg
-Packet of Harry Potter Taco Bell Taco Seasoning.

Cue up Knight Rider season 3, episode 5, K.I.T.T. vs K.A.R.R.
Here is the synopisis for those of you that are stupid:


K.I.T.T.'s bad tempered prototype K.A.R.R. is found buried in the sand by mechanic John Stanton and his girlfriend Mandy. K.A.R.R. convinces Stanton to replace his damaged parts and give him a new look. Then he sets out to take his revenge on K.I.T.T. and Michael Knight. After turbo boosting into the Foundation's semi, John and K.A.R.R. take possession of an improved laser Bonnie was preparing for K.I.T.T. to use against his evil twin.




Proceed to get so drunk that you black-0ut. In the process, write a bunch of notes to yourself that you just won $500,000 in the lottery.

Back-up. Before this all occurs, DVR the lotto drawing from the previous week. Fill out all the winning numbers and take it to 7-13 (I don't want to get sued by using 7-11's name in the blog post).






Forward-down. Resume blacking out drinking. Realizing that you are watching a epic 1984 episode of Knight Rider in Dutch, you decide to grab something to eat from de kueken. Post the above recipe on your fridge and spend 14 minutes cleverly arranging Dirty Fridge Magnets in a clean fashion whilst commencing chewing of the Big League. Make smoothie. Throw Hawaiian Sea Salt over your left ear lobe and drink the ENTIRE box of wine. Sprinkle a bit of the taco seasoning on the quail egg and throw it out a third floor window.


YOU MUST THEN WASH YOUR HANDS. I do NOT promote poor hygiene.

Done. Easy. I won't even charge you.

Do you want to travel? I want to travel? I've always wanted to travel and I've not gotten my fix. I moved a lot as a child -- always finding a new way in a new school with new friends, or no friends. I was ahead of the fashion curve and behind the education curve. Sometimes vice-versa. I was the popular kid and I was painfully shy and insecure. I went to elementary school in the Colorado mountains with hippie teachers and hippie offspring. I endured earthquake drills and boiling asphalt lunch breaks in the Los Angeles public school system. I was befriended by the most unpopular kid in school my first day in Hood River, Oregon because I was a skater/snowboarder in this "hick" town that was yet to embrace Xtreme sports. In 7th grade, I got into a fight with my soon to be best friend because I beat him in a race in track and field. I was tormented as a freshman in a yet another new town, a bustling, wealthy suburb of Portland, OR. I completed secondary school in Boulder, Colorado, never quite figuring it out.

On to a few different colleges, a quarter life relationship, a trip to South America, a two month solo road trip and a few nation wide tours with a rock-n-roll band; yet here I sit, the burden of freedom heavy on my shoulders and the wide-open universe waiting to embrace my nomadic desires.

"If I were in your position, I'd be gone already"
"I wish I had that freedom!"
"Now is the time -- do it -- see the world!"

I made those quotes up. My friend didn't really say those things but they said something relatively close. There may have been an fuck or ass thrown around for color but that's essentially what I've encountered while pondering this decision, this life; my life.

They all say that, but they all might be in a position where jobs are plentiful and so are resources. I have chosen to be an artist. Art doesn't really pay unless you die or do drugs or are super hot and young with a great stylist and fake boobs or ass implants. In order to keep my freedom to travel, I need to not be obligated with silly things such as regular work or relationships. I've been reading Jack Keroac's "On The Road" as of late and as appealing as it sounds to hop in the car with Babe, Carlo, Dean and Betty to traverse our great nation stealing gas or hopping box-cars along the way, I'm not sure my 30-something gang of friends is able to set off on a grand ole caper of riotous carousing at 70mph on rickety wheels and good spirit.

I possess a remarkable enthusiasm for new stimuli, born of my migratory days as a youngster. I need to be in new places, meeting new faces. I am parched as my thirst for cultural knowledge overwhelms my ability to swill enough to satisfy a curious mind. New experience informs my soul as I adapt and assimilate, choosing small pieces off the ENORMOUS Avatar life tree that I will soon make sweet, sweet love to/with. I digress. That was getting too deep -- that verbal diarrhea was making me ill.

I'm going to finish up this stream of consciousness blog post with this:

Tomorrow morning, you wake up and your life as you know it is put on infinite pause. You must leave for a month and can return within 3 years. Everything as you know it will resume when you get back. You have $173.62 in the bank and your car is not road-trip appropriate without some serious AAA black card coverage. What do you do?

This is a pretty cool website: http://b2b.meetplango.com/

Peru v1.0

Back in good 'ole Amerrrica. Seems like I never left. Peru feels like a hazy dream -- a blur of congested city, horns, llamas, Spanish, food, and adventure. I've been back for 5 mostly miserable days. I returned to Denver and was quickly greeted with cold and snow. Normally, I don't have a problem with the cold and snow, in fact, I quite like it. However, being less than 24 hours removed from the beaches of Barranca, the foot and a half of snow we returned to was a slap in the face.

That's my car buried under that white crap

I arrived in Denver wearing flip-flops, shorts, and a short sleeve shirt. 2 hours after I landed, I was in a jacket, llama hat, hiking boots and snow pants, shoveling my car out from under this mess. Good times! Ugh... 18 hours later, I was on the road to Durango, Colorado to play a show with The Congress at The Summit Bar. No wonder I'm sick, I think I came down with the Cusquena flu. More to come soon...

August 31, 2009

I've been exceptionally poor at updating this Blog. Therefore, I don't expect anybody to read it. When I logged in, I noticed my last post was May, 15, 2009. The last three-and-a-half months have moved at the pace of three-and-a-half days, and I've fit three-and-a-half years worth of life into that period of time. My half year journey has arrived at a temporary intermission. I am in Denver, in a new home, establishing a new life. 67% of my time is dedicated to playing music with The Adam Stern Trio, and my new group, The Chris Webb Band. I am freelancing quite a bit and continuing to take as many hikes and find as many great new places to eat as possible.

Since May 15th, I've produced another successful Radiohead tribute show (I've just received the DVD!), opened for guitar legends Jimmy Herring and Dickie Betts, wrote lyrics for a song(!!) and played around 80 gigs with numerous bands and musicians.

I will continue my travels in October, as I'll be heading to Peru in search of ceviche, Machu Picchu, and Birdmen:



I can feel the creative juices starting to fester again and I think it's getting close to time that I endeavor on another arduous project... I just don't quite know what it is yet.

Victor has suggested that I rate liquor stores in Denver and blog about it. Might be an interesting task.

Tucson, Here I Come

My great friend Victor Piccarella has really stepped up and lent me a hand during this transitional period. I met Victor as a freshman at Ft. Lewis college in Durango, Colorado, one of my favorite places in the U.S. At the time, Vic was having his own struggles as a freshman... the freedom that being away from home for the first time can do that to you. I ended up moving to Tennessee to continue my education and I lost touch with Victor. I'd see him when I visited Durango occasionally but we didn't' keep in touch. When I moved back to Denver in 2002, I found out that Victor worked at a bar just down the street from the apartment I was living in.

We started to hang out and catch up with what each other had been doing over the last 5 years or so. Not only did we instantly 'click' again, we got to know each other on a much deeper level than just being "drinking buddies". When I was in Denver for a couple of weeks after being in California, I needed a place to stay and Victor kindly offered his warehouse...

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Not glamorous but a place to sleep nonetheless.

Here's the thing, the crazy, irresponsible Vic I knew as a freshman has turned into a crazy, responsible adult who is slowly taking over the family business. He imports rocks and artisan carvings and many, many other things from Peru.



Currently, Vic is in Tucson at the largest gem and rock show in the world. Much of his business for the year is conducted during a month and a half stay in southern Arizona. He invited me down and offered to give me some work for a week in exchange for a much needed cash infusion. I didn't quite know what I was getting into but I'll tell you this, this show is insane.

The entire city is taken over by massive white tents that contain every precious rock, mineral and jewel you can possibly imagine. This industry has no regulatory board that sets standards for prices, location, and hours, so what you get is a free-for-all system of bartering, hawking, bullying, and partying :). In my three days of being in Tucson, I've met people from Peru, Morocco, India, France, China, Germany, etc... All of them speak two languages, and speak them well. Most of them speak three or more languages.... it's impressive--and disappointing to me, a native English speaker without fluency in any other language.

As I said previously, there is no 'system' for this show and it's not contained to a single location. Much of the business and displays are at hotels--in lobbies and rooms. The hotel operators have wisely transformed their establishments to cater to the rock dealers; constructing show rooms and display areas; even hiring security. It's big business for everyone involved.



Above is a picture of the Days Inn we are staying at.

Last night, there was a party for Victor's aunt Tula. We gathered in the hotel/show room and ate a ton of pizza and drank a lot of wine, whiskey, and beer. Most of the conversation was in Spanish, I picked up a little bit here and there but I never felt like I was excluded from the group. Very warm and welcoming people, Victor and his family are from Peru and are extremely sincere people who are full of life, love, and laughter.




I think that I may of indulged a little too much and I started to feel a little sick, I went outside to get a breath of fresh air and when I came back to the room, Victor had passed out and locked me out of the hotel room. I didn't have a key! I tried to call and knock to no avail... I ended up having to sleep in my trusty Honda.