Take me to tha candy shop

Hola compadres,

Bringing you another update from the road sponsored by the kind folks at The Congress, inc.



Rewind

As the fog slowly departs from my brain, I seem to recall a conversation with Lisa -- owner of The Raven and all around swell cook, host, businesswoman, direction giver, cool things purveyor, and US/Thailand music ambassador. You see, Lisa has this crazy idea that The Congress will go over extremely well in Thailand, a country in which she has traveled in extensively. Normally, I would call B.S. because I don't trust these shady northwest types -- with all of their goodwill, smiling faces, and generosity, however, she makes some of the best damn Pad Thai I've ever eaten at the hands of a white woman -- or a Thai native for that matter. Maybe there is something to this hair-brained idea of The Congress Thai Tour 2011...

Hmmm...
THAI TOUR
THAI TOUR
THAI TOUR
THAI TOUR
THAI TOUR
THAI TOUR
THAI TOUR
THAI TOUR
THAI TOUR
THAI TOUR

That's 10 times. Say it fast, say it again and go get me some chopsticks and cock sauce!



There are also very discreet, very private top-level, highly classified, "I kill your parakeet" if I told you conversations going on about a possible festival appearance in T&T sometime in 2011.


By my estimate, in 2011, The Congress will be performing in Thailand, Trinidad and Tobago, at Bonnaroo, Wakarusa, Bumbershoot, Cochella, Mile High Music Fest, Red Rocks, Comfort Dental Amphitheater, The Dentists Office, and a private concert for Tim Tebow, Jesus (for the tacos!), and Mohandas Ali, a legendary pugilist committed to total nonviolence.

Until then, we hone our skills at The White Front Bar in
Philipsburg, Montana--

• Population: 930
• Percentage of rough & tumble types: 63%
  
• Percentage of rough & tumble types that wanted to kick our asses: 97%
  
• # of times a cowboy asked us to play a country tune after we already played one: 11.5
• # of times a cowboy stood on the bar and tried to full monty with a stetson: 1
  
• # of times a cowboy ran down the middle of the street with his birthday suit: 1
  
• # of hours I spent in the best candy shop in the world: 1.3
  
• Total weight of taffyjellybellysourjellygrapegummyonepeiceofchocolatejustcuzcandybag: .94lbs
  
• Percentage of bag eaten within the first 15 minutes: 47%
  
• Number of teeth bartender at The Station had: >15
• Number of teeth that were not black: .87 (it was chipped)
  
• Amount of feet an individual can walk out of the bar, drink in hand: Infinity
  
• Coolness factor: Infinity * 1.21 jigawatts to the power of Kenny Powers

Damn... I'm getting distracted. I'm sorry about this but I can't keep from providing a running commentary on the disgusting nature of the American population at the budget chain hotel continental buffet breakfast. I'm currently at The AmericInn (or something of that nature) in Boise, Idaho. By all accounts, It's been a very plesant hotel stay. There is a 24hr pool and hot tube, a pretty nice fitness center, even freshly baked cookies given to us at check in. I woke up very early this morning (7:30am -- in rock & roll time, I should have been going to bed!) for a few reasons. One, I'm not going to lie, I was looking forward to the free breakfast. Two, I desperately wanted some coffee and water and juice. I like the hotel juice machines. In fact, I like the word juice. Juice. Wasn't there a movie called Juice?

Man, I've got BlogDD. Anyway, I despise being around a free buffet with hordes of people who hoard the food, like the guy with the Banzi Pipeline shirt over to my right. He's probably in his mid 20's, not overweight, not really fit. Just kinda taking space. Well, as I look at the meager provisions he's hunted and gathered for himself, I notice that he's probably going to throw away more food.... Oh, shit! NO! He's now picking up his waffle carcass and taking it back to his den to feed the cubs.... Ahhhhhhh!!!!!

This is what I've seen on his plate this morning, and I'm certainly not embellishing, at all.

7-8 pieces of link sausage
full size waffle. butter and syrup
full bagel, both sides covered with cream cheese and butter
half a plate of scrambled eggs with cheddar cheese
1/4 plate of potatoes
1/4 plate of potatoes and ketchup
fruit bowl (nutritious!)
cup of yogurt
2 cups of orange juice
1 cup of coffee
doughnut
hind quarter of recently killed deer.

By my estimate, he's been eating for 30-45 minutes straight. I think his sweat is going to smell like musk of continental breakfast. I'd hate to be stuck in close quarters with this guy as the family heads to experience the great outdoors of yellowstone national park from the car.

I digress.


So, yeah. Philipsburg, Montana. Crazy gig. Fun. Gwen is the name of the bartender and she is a P-Berg legend. In fact, I learned that when Gwen works Wednesday nights at The White Front, they are expertly referred to as "Gwednesdays". She made us a "white trash cooler." Basically a cardboard box lined with a trash bag that was filled with multiple choices of beer. You see, Gwen didn't want us to wait til set break to refresh ourselves. She thought it was a good idea to give us a box of beer right on stage. I thought it was a good idea too. I think she gave us a bunch of shots, though I'm not really sure if that's the case or not. I will neither accept or deny responsibility for anything that happened in P-Berg. I definitely got "Gwendilized"

I do remember that The Congress improvised a 4-5 song medely of D'Angelo tunes. One day, perhaps when we are almost famous, people will care about our set lists and want to post them online. Until then, it's my job.

The Congress's D'Angelo Set:

Spanish Joint -->
How Does It Feel? -->
Brown Sugar
Spanish Joint -->
D'Angelo type "laid back groove" with implied clap track and made up kinda of singing lyrics.

I used the arrows to demonstrate continuation throughout the songs. I think that's the proper set list shorthand.

We finished up our gig at The White Front and headed to Gwen's house for the after party, or what her children commonly refer to as "dinner". Hearty meat based red sauce skillfully seasoned with onion, garlic, herbs, and love. Add some slightly soggy rotini noodles and voila!

I seem to recall that she threw some freshly caught shrimp on the fire at 4am. At that point, I retreated to my room, I mean camper, to dream of Indian warrior princesses.




Lodging at Casa De Gwen



Wow, I did not intend to spend that much time on P-Berg. I guess it was that much fun. I think I'm going to make this entry a two parter -- A sequel is in the works to "Take Me To Tha Candy Shop". However, productions delays, budgetary concerns, and actor/director infighting have led the studio to shut down the project. So, NO SEQUEL FOR YOU!

Next, The Congress gets to shoot guns, ride motorcycles and horses, lasso bulls and eat beef.



Margaash uulzaya